The first thing I remember about the Internet was that we had it first around 1997. I don't remember what the hell we did on it then, but once or twice a week we'd crank it up, listen to it dial up the ISP for half an hour or so, then check the email (you have NO new messages!). The first moment when the Internet became really exciting was when the Beanie Baby people put up a website. You could get on there and see how many Beanie Babies there were. Eventually they also developed a message board, which was where I first learned rudimentary Netspeak (ROFLOL!!!!!!!) and how to troll.
Later I realized that the Internet is not just a super super cool thing, to which I am nearly as dependent on as I am on air, but it is in fact a Mystical Portal to the FREAKING WORLD. The first computer my parents had was a Mac, and though I am now a PC, I must admit that the apple is a perfect symbol for the home computer - it is the apple of knowledge. The Internet is a well of knowledge, from which I take a sip every day, often before any other thing. This first sip is followed by a second, then another and another, until I am bloated and sloshy. I then waddle woozily downstairs, my mind spinning and occupied, and lie down on the floor until normalcy resumes. Then I usually microwave a burrito.
This is in America, of course. In Germany there were no burritos.
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