I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I always get super excited as soon as school's over and I don't have anything horrible pressing on me. In fact I'm so excited right now I have to write this post about something completely different, that is, preparing yourself for a zombie attack.
Most of you reading this, since you are probably fairly well acquainted with me, will have devoted at least a minimal amount of time to such preparation. However, I want to remind all those closest to me to maintain vigilance; and also, as most of us are at a highly mobile time of our lives, in a highly mobile era, I want to discuss a little bit how to preserve readiness in all corners.
-- 1. Always have a secure, secluded location picked out to remove to in the case of an outbreak. This is often the most difficult part of any defense plan, but it is also the most important. If you can get yourself away from the zombies, all other weaknesses in your scheme are moot.
A good location is one that is far from any urban centers, and one that you can reach by bicycle or on foot. If at all possible it should be on land that gives the intelligent few significant advantage over mindless hoards, e.g., sheer faces a human can climb with a little effort and throw rocks onto any undead at leisure. Before traveling to any new location, pull out a map of the region and pick as best you can. Upon arrival, make sure it's OK and find a new one if necessary.
In case of a sudden, viscinal outbreak, have a plan to fortify your home or place of temporary residence.
--2. Keep appropriate tools of zombie destruction at hand. Make sure they are legal in your place of residence - confiscation will leave you vulnerable, and in the case of a sustained outbreak, there is no worse place to find oneself than a prison. Remember, unless you are in a open space with lots of room to run and little flammable material, do NOT use fire against zombies. It has the potential to take out many at once, but will not destroy the brain fast enough to prevent them from setting alight everything in a large radius.
--3. Carry an appropriate amount of supplies with you wherever you go. This should include amounts of imperishable, non-salty foods, and lots of socks if the weather/terrain does not permit sandals or bare feet. Trenchfoot is the last thing you want.
Supplies include a portable radio - NOT attached to a phone. The plethora of stations these pick up means you will get news faster after the crisis has passed than relying on a single company. These radios are small enough nowadays that they are not a burden, even on the lightest of trips. If you are living in a country where you do not speak the language, a satellite phone is a good investment.
I must admit, it's really damn difficult to keep up with all of this, far more difficult in Europe than in the States, most importantly due to the fairly baffling population density. Go look up Cambridge, England on Google maps, then count the number of towns you can see. Then zoom in and count again. Then zoom in and count again. You'll start to see that there's almost no land between settlements. This is the rule rather than the exception on this side of the Atlantic. And it makes picking out a spot without people really really hard. On the other hand, all your best options are totally within walking distance!
There are two good options in Heidelberg: first, the castle halfway up the hill. Very defensible, and has a little restaurant where there is surely a few days' worth of food. However, it's the first place everyone will go in the event of an outbreak, and the city has grown quite a bit since last everyone could fit in there. The other good spot is on the very top of the hill opposite the castle, where there was a Celtic hill fort here about two thousand years ago. It's not steep enough to keep out zombies, but it's enough to slow them down, and the trees and church ruin are fairly suited for defense.
I hope you've found something of use in all this. I promise I'll post something more Christmassy soon (probably Sunday or Monday - ahhhh, having a little vacation is wonderful!). In the meantime, Happy Christmas! And enjoy some tamales for me if you have the means, there is a desperate shortage here.
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